No longer odd!..numerically speaking anyway.

Alas, I will no longer be odd, numerically speaking, as of Thursday around 3:20 pm. I will be Twenty Four. This is terrifying, yet mostly exhilarating because this past year of being 23 only got tolerable in December when Florence decided to amplify my life x 1000. Things got increasingly better then and I'd say they are only on their way to getting better. I feel that I'm on the brink of something good here. I feel pretty good about creating this rad little space I come home to each night. AH! Behold! My beloved space! And although it's back with my parents, it's something that is closer to everything I know and love. While it's good to be distanced from that for awhile, sometimes it's good to be reunited with it as well.

[there's a lot of Florence and Lana Del Rey going on here-more to come of that! Some drawings, some set lists...the bed is a huge upgrade and it's amazingly comfortable. My acoustic guitar that I pretend to play well and GREY WALLS! YES! This was a great room to move back into]

There are things about my living environment that need to scream my personality and my interests and without them I just feel rather odd. This has always been the case and I can't help but decking out my walls with people I find so extremely rad. I remember when I first moved back in my dad kept coming in and saying "Okay, that's enough" and that was only with the setlists and a few other pictures. There's going to be a whole 'lot more glossy pictures popping up on that wall with all the great magazines that have come out lately! and back to it...

Everyone around me has been super positive lately. I've been catchin' up with so many friends lately, which has been quite easy due to the fact that I'm so much closer to them then were I was living the past two years. Rachael made a comment the other day that went along the lines of  "I can tell, you look like you're going to burst at the seams, in a good way!" in response to "I want to do something, I feel really good about this year..." Anywho, liked that terminology she used and it kind of put it more into perspective for me. That's exactly how I feel. I saw Brooke today and I told her how I want to turn over a new leaf, do something good and what's good for me. She said "Dude, it's turned. Or it's like ::half-flipping palm:: right there. That is awesome. I have really rad people in my life right now!

Work has become a little bit interesting but presents different opportunities. I feel confident, mostly. If we're being honest that is. Like..perhaps I'm starting to come into place with who I am as a person? I feel good about what I have to offer in terms of personality. I am the most relieved that I've come to good terms with my body and how I feel perceive it and I sort of like it. I. Can. Dig. It. I think I've learned what works for me right now. Food and my intake of it always fluctuates with what's going on in my life, however, I find there to be an up slope when there is a fine combination of fruits and veggies and Portillo's. There was a lot of that when I was twenty-three and there will be more to come in the next. I have struck a nice balance in knowing how to eat that's just right for me. I am grateful for this.

[]
behold the Portillo's Chili dog with all the fix-ins!

There's more where this came from! I have to eat here once a week!

Plus, being the girl with body issues is kind of a drag, and that's practically every girl in existence...awesome! I feel like I have moments in my life though where I've felt like I've had it pretty together, but they seem like fleeting moments that really last longer than just moments, long enough to stick around and give me this false sense of accomplishment and hope. NOT TODAY! [see reference] I plan on having things go well this year. I feel more stable as well, which is a big part of it. Ah, stability, what a fine word. I'm finally coming around to being cool with being happy. I hate when numerous months go on where those days when you feel sad, you feel like you're never going to be happy again, and vice versa. It just blows, so it's nice to be moving a bit more past that. I hope my plans for my birthday pan out well. I try to always keep things pretty simple when it comes to these kind of things just so it makes it harder for things to fall through. I just want fantastic company and good food-both should be able to happen!

I finally got back to skating regularly again. I hated how I was letting that skill go down the drain and I have gone back and am in the process of fine tuning and regaining certain elements. It is SO GOOD to be back. I have this solid little skate crew that I used to pal around with a few years ago. It is great to see them again and it's always nice to have people you know sharing the ice with you. It makes it more fun and I always prefer someone is there, it tends to be much more motivating. Hopefully I can get over there consistently and more often. Amazing weather has hit Chicago extremely early which is making it super easy to snag walks or do some rollerbladin' before I start work midday. This has been so good for me. I love doing something outside and active before work. It just puts me in such a better mood and energized for the day, but let's be honest, this is no secret. When I say "amazing weather" I am not shitting you, this weather has been without a doubt some of the most insane I've seen. I know, I'm only 23 (FOR NOW!) but 85º+ before the end of March is downright bonkers in this neck of the woods. I find myself dwindling down on sunblock before Spring even starts. I will take it, but I have to assume we will pay for this somehow...

Just over a month until I see the fabulous Florence + The Machine take the stage in Milwaukee. I can hardly contain myself and my friend who I'm going with told me the plan of arriving bloody early and queue-ing asap. I'm semi-on board with this plan. I love Florence. I will wait all day. Is it 100% necessary..proobbbabbblly not, but is it VITAL to get FRONT ROW AT A G.A. SHOW?! YES. Therefore it all balances out and I will be waiting in that line for a good 10 hours. This seems rather insane, but yes, yes, yes, go with me. I am also rather revved about snagging my Radiohead ticket. This will be the first time I've seen this band and I've loved them so hard for years. I am especially excited for the group of people I am seeing with them. I can feel it in my bones that it will be one fantastic evening.

And without a doubt XRT has gotten me along this year with music and I've learned a lot through listening. Almost all of my favourite artists get picked up on the station, or I hear about them from XRT. I am so glad I get to see Florence again in April. This is something I am so over the moon excited for even if I have to travel to Milwaukee to do it. Good things lay ahead this year in terms of music and I'm just really excited!

Needless to say, the song of the year without a doubt is this gem:

recents:

I've been doing a lot of thrifting, quite a bit of rollerblading, some skating, and dabbling in some floral crown wearin'. All of these are reflective of that. It's almost like a matching game. almost.

Even though it's supposed to rain tomorrow, I want to get on a bike, grab a balloon bouquet and listen to 'I Might' by Wilco! That would be absolutely fantastic. Enjoy!

 

 +

 

+

 

= OH YEAH!

here's a sum-up of the best age/year- 22

I hope you all have a rad day and do something awesome! HAVE AN AMAZING DAY!

x x x x

twenty twelve. ah, it feels nice.

Oh, 2011, you were full of it, just full of it. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

I can honestly say that I was one exuberant being when that clock hit midnight and 2011 was no more. Of course this was displayed by me crying my face off while 'Shake It Out' played perfectly along in the background. Some good things happened, but so few that I could count them on one hand. I feel like when I think back on this past year, it's like I'm trying to recall being washed away in a large wave that washed me away, cut me open, and poured its salty waters into my wounds. Yeah...like I said, it wasn't the best. I cannot exactly pinpoint it to one thing, except the fact that I anticipated the age of twenty three to be a complete drag. After such an uplifting year in 2010, I was so apprehensive to step into something new that hadn't had anything to prove. In 2010 I was golden, I was 22 and on top of the world. This past year was full of extreme highs and lows, being shuffled around with my job, contemplating what my body would look like hanging from the low ceilings at work, and just constant contemplation of what the real purpose of being here was, what was POSSIBLY going to make me WANT to live another year? This is where I think that maybe getting too into the political regime and being an informed person of society may have been to blame for this edge I had gained. DO PEOPLE EVEN SEE WHAT'S GOING ON?! I know it seems rather morbid, but just reeelaaxxxx. Ahh, alas. Some refuge...Unfortunately I had to wait until December to realize that everything was going to be just fine, fortunately, IT. WAS. TOTALLY. WORTH IT.

This past year had some gems, so I feel like I should point those out before you come over here and tattoo "Sad Sack" across my forehead; I sported some groovy outfits, I was 22 for three months of it [and then it all went to hell], I met some wonderful people, attended some rad weddings, got real "news-y", NY Fall Fashion week floored me this year, I saw Florence + The Machine TWO TIMES [1,2] as well as The Black Keys, Florence Welch said my name AND TOUCHED MY FLESH! Ceremonials dropped and became one of the best albums of my life, I actually went to a Halloween party and had a good costume, I put together a little bucket list, I consumed a lot of Portillo's, I SAW THE JELLIES!, and I became sort of a social networking whore. Yeah. There were other things scattered about, but if it weren't for past blog posts scattered in between moments of sanity, then I'm not sure how much recollection I would really have of the good.

Oh, you made the last leg of 2011 so, so, so good and worth it.

Me dressed as Rachel Maddow with an awesome older lady I met.

The nun/Maddow pairing picture was necessary!

and then some dancing happened...

 

a few outfits...

The food that got me through! Portillo's

The Jellies came to the Shedd Aquarium.

I mean, good things happened, no doubt, but it was come and go, lackadaisical happiness. I was just consumed with this unbearable sadness and contemplation that seemed to drive me in circles and get me absolutely nowhere. If there is one thing that drives me mad its that thing that everyone expects from you; you charting out your life's greatest plan, unveiling how you plan to make millions to support yourself. I know you are supposed to be doing this, having some grand idea of how you can fulfill your life as well as those around you. At the end of the day, I know that with age comes more "searching" for that security. I disdain this process although I know it's exceedingly important. I anticipate moving soon and getting out of this area that I've been living in for the past twenty two months. You'd think that number amount would make me happy, but it doesn't in the slightest. I am anticipating a 10 minute drive to work, being closer to friends and family, and just being in a better environment.

This New Years, my counterpart and I forewent our usual plans. We typically head up to Milwaukee to the Hotel Metro or drive 20 minutes in to Chicago and stay at the Hotel Monaco. We get tickets to the main show in the city that year, [last year, The Black Keys, the year before, Spoon] and then return back to our favourite rooms that we always book when we stay at those locations. This year it would have been fun, but it wasn't necessary or really feasible with us moving in week's time. So we found ourselves seated on the floor, sipping champagne, and watching some of our favourite episodes. It was the way to go.

AH HA! IT IS SNOWING! YAY. Little Flurries.

So all in all, I anticipate 2012 being more flashy and fun and I only say this because 2011 was like being dragged by a horse for 345 days (assuming that twenty days were tolerable). I don't necessarily have any resolutions that consist of being shared via blog or really to anyone. Resolutions are kind of like those little self goals/secrets you have that once you let someone behind it all, it doesn't really stay yours anymore. The idea and goal becomes much more impersonal and now becomes something you must fulfill because now it's expected of you. Therefore, let's just hope to keep it rockin'. Hopefully this year takes you on a journey and slaps you across the face hard. Even though I feel like my year was something that I could put on the 'things I disdain' list, I learned something. I became a stronger god damn person because of it. You better bet that I would have liked to take a horse tranq of a sleeping pill and slept through most of it, but I'm glad I didn't, because now I know there can only be better.

Cheers to you and yours in the New Year!

-Tessa

730 day adventure!

A counterpart post. It seems necessary even though I'm not a huge advocate for plastering a relationship online. It's been a wonderful 730 days...or two years, and I feel really lucky. I've learned so much and we have grown so well together. It's always an adventure getting to know someone and getting to live with my counterpart has taught me so much about sharing space and about myself. Continually syncing with another person is such a delight. But most importantly, if you haven't learned to say "I'm sorry", "You're right", and "I was wrong" then you might as well not even be in a relationship. I mean, am I right? **

So enough said, here are a few of my favourite pictures over the course of the two years we've spent together;

In one of our favourite places-Portland, OR. Sporting his French Press from Public Domain.

I love this picture of him. Well...I guess I love all pictures of him.

In Milwaukee, Wisconsin seeing Spoon for New Years Eve. Ringing in 2010.

This was a crazy night, but the concert was a blast.

Picture got kind of messed up, but I adore it anyway.

Oh fabulous Hilton Head, one of our many awesome vacations taken in the summer of 2010.

Taken at Dolphin Head

At one of my best friend's houses for her birthday bash. I love this picture of us together hangin out in the city.

In Savannah in the summer of 2010 on our 18th story balcony to the hotel.

More from the Hilton Head trip. Eric came here continually throughout his life and it was important that we saw it and spent time here.

His birthday after dinner celebration that we had in Hilton Head.

We never mind taking time to break for pool.

I cannot forget to mention that he got me one fabulous gift! or two...

I knew that these were coming and I could not wait to open these bad boys this morning, let alone wear them out on our date this evening. Don't worry, I 'Daria'-ed them up with a mini skirt and flattering top. Needless to say, the reaction was very good. I'm very thankful! ::endless stream of smiley faces/exclamation points::

(that's much more convenient to read out...yeah?)

**So that string of sentences together with me ending it "am I right?" reminded me of an episode of 'The Simpson's' that Eric and I watched earlier. I thought it was funny because I only noticed it after I re-read it after it was posted and then remembered laughing about it earlier. TWO-FER! Here's the clip;

ENJOY!

Florence + The Black Keys Rock Milwaukee! @flo_tweet #TheBlackKeys

The other night I had the luck of seeing one of my favourite musical artists of all time perform live and I am eternally grateful for this occurence. Of course, I'm referencing Florence + The Machine and her show at Summerfest in Milwaukee this past Wednesday. I previously mentioned in my last post (and numerous others) that I missed her Chicago appearance that was scheduled for June 18, 2011 at the Aragon Ballroom. This was quite a step up in venue since her April 2010 at House of Blues. I'm serious though, I've droned on about that show too much (well, for you probably). If you haven't seen it, check out all things I've blogged about Florence HERE.

So of course, WXRT helped me out on the information front and advertised that she would be appearing with Cage The Elephant and The Black Keys. My counterpart and I are both Black Keys fans (we saw them this past New Years at The Aragon) so there was little to no arm twisting in order to get him to purchase the tickets and take the short trip to Milwaukee. He knows how much I love Florence and I think the risk of him being the one getting in the way of seeing her show would be an issue, especially since the last once fell through the cracks, was too great. Heh, so needless to say, we picked them up on the way to Milwaukee and my excitement grew as the tickets were finally within my hands-and eyesight.

YAY! Roadtrip time. Well, three hours, a mini-road trip. I love long car rides, especially with my counterpart. We checked into the Hotel Metro, which the hotel we gravitate to when we stay in Milwaukee (we had been here previously for Spoon on New Years 2009/2010). It was the first LEEDS certified hotel in Wisconsin and has a bunch of neat back history to it-if you're into that sort of thing. Not to mention, the beds are so so so comfortable and the service and food is fantastic. We have to remember that the rock stars stay at the neighboring hotel, but we love the style of the rooms at the Hotel Metro. We did catch a glimpse of the Black Keys standing outside the other hotel, which was a thrill on the way to see them...but let's not forget, this is a Florence review-so back to that! We walked down to Summerfest around 5:30, strolled along the lakeside, got dippin' dots & elephant ears, and made our way into The Marcus Ampihtheatre, were I grew anxious...

This place was BIG. I had seen her in a room with no more than 200 people where I was mere feet away from the stage. I threw a pin and a note and hoped for the best. I snagged that glorious set-list that she stomped all over in her musical fury...

...this was a big change. The place was flooded, but in a way, I was thrilled. I was so happy that so many people would get to experience this performance-and people that generally would not, which is the key thing. The people I was around weren't necessarily there for Florence, which kind of made me think I might feel sheepish when she came on and I started dancing like an idiot (an awesome idiot!). I continued to throw up all over twitter about it (see sidebar) and sat in my seat watching the instruments for the machines be put in place. The harp appeared and my excitement soared. I could not be more excited to see her perform.

See, here's the thing, You see, Florence is one of my musical soulmates. It's hard to sum up what that really means to me, but I guess it ultimately means that her music moves me—dancing, figure skating, singing; it makes me feel, it would be music that I myself would choose to create, it's been music that I've passed on to a countless number of people. I've been listening to her for years and can genuinely say that I'm so proud of her WELL-DESEREVED success. I'm happier knowing she's alive, making music, and performing. Seeing this show was a big deal to me. I just want to make that clear.

The lights dimmed, the crowd rose in unison, and the music for "Howl" came out through the speakers. I could feel it-the energy that was about to be unleashed through vocal performance and exuberance across the stage. She appears-light bouncing off of her red hair and draped in a dark red cloak over a dress. Her microphone is adorned with fake flowers-she collects. The voice pours from her and overwhelms the crowd. The music pounds out perfectly through the speakers, a style of music that sounds "really good coming from that style theatre" according to my counterpart (turned Florence fan this past Wednesday). The huge screens and projectors were a huge aid in really watching the performance along with her connection to the music. There are a million things you can take away from her performances, but one of my favourite qualities is her witchy vibe she exudes, which I'm sure is no accident. She tends to look at the crowd eerily while twitching her fingers along to the melody or you can find her appearing to cast spells and conduct the crowd with her drumstick which she used to great effect in songs like "Drumming Song" & "Between Two Lungs". It is entrancing to watch her move from one side of the stage to another and to see her shear cape float through the air as her voice commands your adoration.. It's even better to hear her shreak and scream as an accent to some of her songs-including her new single. I cannot wait for that new album...

As expected, 'Cosmic Love' struck more chords than expected and I found tears streaming down my face as I was dancing and singing along. I loved the crowd during 'Rabbit Heart (Raise It Up)' & 'Dog Days Are Over' and was just so happy to be a part of the whole experience. The best news came when she said this was her LAST SHOW OF THE TOUR! I let out a squeal and was so relieved that I was able to see this show. I was glad I got to experience her album live twice and I'm also glad I got to hear the new single, which was phenomenal. Florence had to go ahead and have awesome tour shirts, which I definitely decided needed to be mine upon laying my eyes on it so you can see me modeling that here;

Unfortunately, this wasn't a Florence + The Machine show, it was more of an elongated opener. She played a lot of my favourites, but there will always be songs left out of they are all your favourites. I can only hope to see her next time she comes to Chicago. I can only imagine what kind of venue she will be in next time, regardless, I will be there to see it-you better be too! I cannot forget to mention The Black Keys, because they were great and are a pleasure to watch and listen to. I loved how they used movie/clip backgrounds to go along with their music. 'Everlasting Light' is always my favourite song they perform-however, I feel that a great song to go into right after is 'Never Gonna Give You Up'. It would be so great with that disco ball down-a huge perk of the performance. Both of these artists are an absolute treat to see live-so lucky that I got to see them both twice. I hope that the third time's a charm!

What 2010 is bringing me.

Oh. my. goodness.

Where do I start? I feel like it has been forever since I have touched this blog.

I've missed it.

I feel like there are a million different directions I could go with this entry.

I'll just write it stream of conscious.

Good luck followers...the six I have... ha ha

Does anyone else feel that the full moon tinkers with EVERYTHING?!

I never did until now. Needless to say, everything is fabulous now;

but there were a few mishaps along the flow of our New Years Eve Plans.

But....

Before I delve into what I did this past week/weekend

I feel like I should do a little bit of writing about "ringing in the new year"

and what it all means to me.

For the past four years (or more)

I have spent so much time and energy bringing myself down.

"I'm fat", "I'm ugly", "I'm stupid", "I'm worthless".

You can constantly hear me mutter these things on a daily basis.

No more. I am so sick of it.

I was never looking for you to rush to say "NO YOU'RE NOT!"

I was never looking for your denial or reassurance. I just stated it as fact.

2009 brought many great changes in my life.

I feel like I have found my counterpart, I found a job I enjoy going to, & I have finished school.

I still have a long way to go with making myself a better/more knowledgeable person.

For now, I just feel like I cannot waste my time putting down the person I've grown to be.

I cannot let other peoples encouraging and warm words go to waste.

I will not allow my boyfriends feelings to crumble each time I deny his compliments.

I will believe people when they say I'm good/pretty/smart/beautiful.

I will accept my body and know that I do a lot to keep it in the best shape that I can.

I might not know everything, but that's what life and learning is all about.

I cannot be afraid to ask questions or admit that I don't know something.

I am calling 2010 the year of confidence.

There are always ups and downs. Insecurities will always linger.

But I am who I am and I have to stop bringing that person down.

Old habits are hard to break, but I feel that I'm worth it.

So let's dive into those plans of ours!

I headed over to Eric's on Wednesday night so we could be ready to go on Thursday morning.

We were headed up to Milwaukee to see Spoon, one of our favourite bands.

We got on the road at a good time, checked into our awesome hotel,

& we ate at an AMAZING restaurant for our New Years Dinner called Roots.

(I am still craving this amazing salad they have

--& really I'm really not the "I'll just have a salad" kind of girl.)

We ended up heading over to the venue around 8:30

Spoon came on around 10:50pm-ish.

THEY WERE PHENOMENAL.

They played every song I wanted them to play & I felt so great at this show.

So great I cannot explain it. My body was feelin the music (gin & tonic will do it!)

& I loved seeing the excitement on Eric's face as they belted our favourite songs.

This is the problem. Every show Eric & I see together is amazing.

(which isn't really a problem)

But how do you rank them?

Modest Mouse, Phoenix, Chairlift, Metric, Spoon--ahh! All fantastic bands.

Anywho...all I have to say;

MILWAUKEE--GET YOUR CAB SERVICE SHIT TOGETHER.

You screwed up our New Years Eve together.

Or should I say; the full moon screwed our plans.

On the bright side, New Years Day brought all sorts of amazing things.

Eric surprised me with staying another night in a hotel (The Hotel Monaco) in Chicago.

He also surprised me with a fantastic dinner at one of my favourite restaurants in the city;

Avec. It's French cuisine & everything on the menu melts in your mouth.

A divine dinner followed by popping some Veuve Clicquot & Dom Perignon.

This was the best way to spend the first day of 2010.

I couldn't be more lucky.

Normal life resumed Saturday evening when we got to Eric's house.

I made gnocchi and a nice salad and we gulped down some wine

& enjoyed our low key evening together.

While I love our nights out & sleeping in high end hotels, our nights in are the best.

The nights were I cook and he cleans up :) What a team.

Now I'm back home and work (and skating!) starts again this week.

I'm excited to get back to life as it should be.

But I had the most wonderful holiday season! I spent it with people I truly love.

People I am so blessed to have in my life.

I must admit, I feel weird when I used the word "blessed"

since I am not at ALL into the religious thing.

But I feel extremely lucky. I have GREAT people in my life.

I wouldn't trade any of them.

Thank you so much to all of you who made the holidays extremely awesome.

Thanks for dealing with my shitty confidence through the 2000's.

2010 is here and there's no more bullshit.

I am who I am and I'm loving it.