twenty twelve. ah, it feels nice.

Oh, 2011, you were full of it, just full of it. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

I can honestly say that I was one exuberant being when that clock hit midnight and 2011 was no more. Of course this was displayed by me crying my face off while 'Shake It Out' played perfectly along in the background. Some good things happened, but so few that I could count them on one hand. I feel like when I think back on this past year, it's like I'm trying to recall being washed away in a large wave that washed me away, cut me open, and poured its salty waters into my wounds. Yeah...like I said, it wasn't the best. I cannot exactly pinpoint it to one thing, except the fact that I anticipated the age of twenty three to be a complete drag. After such an uplifting year in 2010, I was so apprehensive to step into something new that hadn't had anything to prove. In 2010 I was golden, I was 22 and on top of the world. This past year was full of extreme highs and lows, being shuffled around with my job, contemplating what my body would look like hanging from the low ceilings at work, and just constant contemplation of what the real purpose of being here was, what was POSSIBLY going to make me WANT to live another year? This is where I think that maybe getting too into the political regime and being an informed person of society may have been to blame for this edge I had gained. DO PEOPLE EVEN SEE WHAT'S GOING ON?! I know it seems rather morbid, but just reeelaaxxxx. Ahh, alas. Some refuge...Unfortunately I had to wait until December to realize that everything was going to be just fine, fortunately, IT. WAS. TOTALLY. WORTH IT.

This past year had some gems, so I feel like I should point those out before you come over here and tattoo "Sad Sack" across my forehead; I sported some groovy outfits, I was 22 for three months of it [and then it all went to hell], I met some wonderful people, attended some rad weddings, got real "news-y", NY Fall Fashion week floored me this year, I saw Florence + The Machine TWO TIMES [1,2] as well as The Black Keys, Florence Welch said my name AND TOUCHED MY FLESH! Ceremonials dropped and became one of the best albums of my life, I actually went to a Halloween party and had a good costume, I put together a little bucket list, I consumed a lot of Portillo's, I SAW THE JELLIES!, and I became sort of a social networking whore. Yeah. There were other things scattered about, but if it weren't for past blog posts scattered in between moments of sanity, then I'm not sure how much recollection I would really have of the good.

Oh, you made the last leg of 2011 so, so, so good and worth it.

Me dressed as Rachel Maddow with an awesome older lady I met.

The nun/Maddow pairing picture was necessary!

and then some dancing happened...

 

a few outfits...

The food that got me through! Portillo's

The Jellies came to the Shedd Aquarium.

I mean, good things happened, no doubt, but it was come and go, lackadaisical happiness. I was just consumed with this unbearable sadness and contemplation that seemed to drive me in circles and get me absolutely nowhere. If there is one thing that drives me mad its that thing that everyone expects from you; you charting out your life's greatest plan, unveiling how you plan to make millions to support yourself. I know you are supposed to be doing this, having some grand idea of how you can fulfill your life as well as those around you. At the end of the day, I know that with age comes more "searching" for that security. I disdain this process although I know it's exceedingly important. I anticipate moving soon and getting out of this area that I've been living in for the past twenty two months. You'd think that number amount would make me happy, but it doesn't in the slightest. I am anticipating a 10 minute drive to work, being closer to friends and family, and just being in a better environment.

This New Years, my counterpart and I forewent our usual plans. We typically head up to Milwaukee to the Hotel Metro or drive 20 minutes in to Chicago and stay at the Hotel Monaco. We get tickets to the main show in the city that year, [last year, The Black Keys, the year before, Spoon] and then return back to our favourite rooms that we always book when we stay at those locations. This year it would have been fun, but it wasn't necessary or really feasible with us moving in week's time. So we found ourselves seated on the floor, sipping champagne, and watching some of our favourite episodes. It was the way to go.

AH HA! IT IS SNOWING! YAY. Little Flurries.

So all in all, I anticipate 2012 being more flashy and fun and I only say this because 2011 was like being dragged by a horse for 345 days (assuming that twenty days were tolerable). I don't necessarily have any resolutions that consist of being shared via blog or really to anyone. Resolutions are kind of like those little self goals/secrets you have that once you let someone behind it all, it doesn't really stay yours anymore. The idea and goal becomes much more impersonal and now becomes something you must fulfill because now it's expected of you. Therefore, let's just hope to keep it rockin'. Hopefully this year takes you on a journey and slaps you across the face hard. Even though I feel like my year was something that I could put on the 'things I disdain' list, I learned something. I became a stronger god damn person because of it. You better bet that I would have liked to take a horse tranq of a sleeping pill and slept through most of it, but I'm glad I didn't, because now I know there can only be better.

Cheers to you and yours in the New Year!

-Tessa

Being Maddow:

The Maddow Breakdown:

I think I decided I wanted to be Rachel Maddow sometime over the summer and it was pretty much decided.

[read]

 

I thought it would be hilarious to get a picture with the nun.

This woman actually gave me an awesome idea in what to do with my life.

I really hope the idea works out, it is truly right up my alley.

I went with my friend Brooke (another Maddow fan), who was Kesha-

 the counterpart to her boyfriend, Mustard.

This was another funny picture because I'd like to think that Kesha and Rachel Maddow would not pose together...but I could be wrong about that. 

She even gave me rabbit ears.

That is so Ke$ha, that bitch.

Of course, sporting Levi's with Doc Marten 1940's.

Blazer with light coloured shirt. I batted around the idea of a black shirt...

and doing the whole "I'm a guest" look.

I also contemplated going as her look from her commercials;

So I kind of did both.

Of course I had to sport my red watch!

(you can most likely see it in the video above)

What was under the wig:

Coiled up blonde hairs and one painful little scalp!

This did not take as long as anticipated.

I have extremely thick, medium length hair and it took me 20 minutes.

This the progression that took place. It was perfectly brush-able. Just huge.

Think Monica when they are in Barbados;

I am really glad I went to a Halloween party this year dressed up as someone awesome.

Normally I just come up with a costume idea, but don't have anywhere to exhibit it, so it never ends up happening. I got a lot of compliments and everyone was surprised that I didn't have short hair.

I had some really good conversations with people and ended up talking a lot of random smack about Republicans that was all in good fun.

OH. And this may or may not have happened;

I think the best part is when at the end, Sarah goes, "Someone get this girl a hot dog!"

. . .

Casual Friday Reports:

this is a close up:

skirt: H&M circa 2004? (I saw this glitter tulle tutu-thing and knew it had to be mine)

 tights & purple socks: Target, striped shirt: Forever 21 black tank top: acquired from mom

This was this past casual Friday. I pulled out the witch-y stops.

I was extremely disappointed to see that I was the only person to embrace the spirit!

This is one of my favourite days of the year.

I was so bummed to be at Target and discover they seemed to have packed up the Halloween stuff and have unveiled the Christmas overload.

I won't rock the look again today, but I will be in this kind of festive-look mode!

Tonight my counterpart and I will be headed around the South Side.

I'm taking the train in and am dying for some Argo Tea!!!

I have no idea what is in store, but I look forward to a good gin & tonic...

with four limes, and it's things like this that make me think I should dress as Maddow today.

My New Obsession:

Ceremonials comes out TOMORROW and I am debating about getting it on Vinyl...

EVERYONE MUST GET IT.

I AM SO REVVED FOR THE CHICAGO THEATRE SHOW!!!!!!

DEC. 4 I CANNOT BELIEVE IT'S HAPPENING!

The Bucket List

I was tagged by one of my girlfriends, not just in blog-world, but in real life too, to do a blog post about my bucket list. In order to provoke this, she did one about her's and I did the same. So here goes!

 1).

Sing on a stage:

 ...Auditorium style. I want to straight up grab the mic in a packed auditorium (probably stealing some kid's spot in the variety show) and belting something out, like 'Something To Talk About' or 'Like The way I do'. See, here's the thing, I can sing these in my car. Alone. I have done karaoke on a stage, in a crowded bar, that one of my favourite artists had just performed on and it went well, I suppose. However, if the whole auditorium thing went poorly and I screwed up on stage, I'd likely throw the mic into the face of a front-rower. Everyone wins!

OR

this one is a good one....I wish this was on a karaoke track.

 2).

Do something artistically as a career:

 ...and to some extent, I do, but I mean something where I am on my own, making money to support myself. Whether that be jewelry, glass blowing, cake decorating (big tymer style), fashion stuffs, coaching figure skating, etc. All of those things hold appeal to me, it's just deciding the right time to pursue it. But is there ever really a "right time"?

 3).

I want to go back to Malta:

...and cry into the Mediterranean once more.. I took a walk by myself one day (I went with a group for a field study) and I had purchased In Rainbows for the trip. I sat alone on these little stone steps right by this little inlet by the sea. A million things were going through my mind and I just kept listening to 'Weird Fishes/Arpreggi' over and over. I cried endlessly (at least that is what it felt like) and ended up walking around in the shallow part of the sea and I loved every second of my mixed emotions of sheer happiness and realization coupled with uncertainty and change. I never wanted to leave and I think that was my little parting day with it all. I loved that little bit of land so much. I just cannot believe I boarded the plane to leave. Now that was just silly!

this is me walking in Gozo. I was running up and down and jumping all around. 

This was during our first few hours there.

This is at Dwerja, the next day. I loved this place and could have literally sat here all day.

I sat on the ledge of these huge rocks that hung over the sea and the huge waves that were crashing were just barely touching my feet. It was amazing.

 4).

I need to see:

 Radiohead, PJ Harvey, David Byrne, Nine Inch Nails, & Florence and the Machine (again) before I leave this earth. I feel that this isn't asking a lot. I've seen Thom Yorke with Atoms for peace and I've seen Florence twice now, but these artists need to make their own little festival...with other fantastic artists, of course. They are just too good to not see live.

  5).

I want to perform:

 ...Dance. Something elaborate. Something either I choreographed or something insane that was choreographed for me. I was born to use my body artistically and I know this because I will strive for perfection and am so dedicated when a goal is in reach.
I swear I could have played both swans....
When I was a skater, I worked at it so, so hard at it. Dancing is amazing and it means so much to me. I want to perform. All the time. I was to be on SYTYCD! But I will NEVER EVER NEVER EVER NEVER EVER do anything like that, I just want to be choreographed by these people.
::cough cough:: Mia Michaels ::cough cough::

 6).

I want to go to NY fashion week:

 ...at least once in my lifetime. I feel insane for not attending this past year, seeing that one of my best friends forever lives in New York. I've loved fashion for too long to not attend events like this.

 7).

I want to go back and be formally educated once again.

 I love a classroom setting, I love the people I encountered, and it only betters you in so many ways. Although I don't agree with a lot of the curriculum in this country, you have to embrace it and educate yourself while interacting with others and passing requirements. On the same note, I want to use this in a career that is respected and makes adequate money to support living.

Okay, so even though this is what was happening last time I was in college, I swear the last semesters I really shaped up (I always did fairly well in college, but, ya know...)

I studied to this song quite a bit;

 8).

One day I want to see what's really going on inside my head. 

Sometimes I just don't like what's happening, but am useless in preventing it.

 9).

I want to go skydiving ASAP.

I feel this needs no explanation

 10).

I need to go storm chasing.

I have been in love with weather and have been such an enthusiast for the greater half of my life. Tornadoes and severe weather have always fascinated me. They have wonderful opportunities at the local college, but I can't strum up the money. One day, the money will be strummed, my friends. And I, Tessa, will be tailin' the tornadoes! 

The wind noise on this is just awful, however, there is some awesome footage. I took a class with the professor leading this trip. C.O.D is phenomenal for meteorology.

I want to listen to this while I'm watching a tornado roll across the ground.

 11).

I'd love to meet the people who have had a big impact on my life:

 and personally thank them. It would probably be ultra creepy, but really? If you did something professionally and people loved it and truly admired your work, wouldn't YOU want to hear about it? These people include; Florence Welch, Sasha Cohen, Rachel Maddow, Natalie Merchant, Terri Hemmert, etc.

Florence Welch

This is one of my favourites by Sasha Cohen. I love the straight-line footwork, the sprial sequence, her dress, and most of all her timing and consistency! 

Read more about Terri Hemmert [HERE]

 12).

See a play on Broadway.

 I've seen off-Broadway plays, but I'm so inspired each time. I always grew up thinking I would be on Broadway. I was entertaining at such a young age and was singing and dancing along to The Phantom of the Opera soundtrack at age three. I just think it's inspiring to the point of overwhelming to see those people come together to create something so marvelous.

 13).

I want to work with the elderly.

 After reading so much Advanced Style, I just feel that we have so much to learn from them. This is not a recent discovery, but I am so glad that the field study previously mentioned was with ladies and gents over the age of 50. That was such a treat. I loved hearing about their travels and their views on politics. It was such an enriching experience. I could only imagine the stories you would hear over time. Trust me, by no means is 50 or 60 considered even close to "elderly" in my eyes. I was just lucky that it wasn't a bunch of 20 year olds. I enjoy the older crowd. I'm such an old soul and enjoy hearing about the past.

Now, to accomplish!

IT'S MADDOW TIME, BABY!

There is one question that is asked each week night in my house, usually by me;
"When are we going to watch Rachel Maddow?"

You know, the smartest/wittiest/cutest openly gay political commentator and host on MSNBC?

You know, the woman that takes her gin & tonic with four limes just like myself?

(so excited when I found THAT out!)

PLEASE TELL ME YOU KNOW.

This started just over a few weeks ago. My counterpart stated something about how he was a fan of Rachel Maddow, but I had never seen the show air in our house. I believe the first time I had my eyes glued on Ms. Maddow was during the coverage of the earthquake that had taken place in Japan in March. This was probably the most exhilarating coverage that I saw of the quake and perhaps the least sad while being the most informative. I was hooked from the start when she showed us pictures of the most adorable little uranium pellets and shiny fuel rods. Finally! An inside look at what every news reporter had been talking about, but not showing to us. Before this aired, I kept stating to Eric how I wanted to go in one of these plants ASAP to look around, I'm a visual learner, gotta give me the visuals! I was quite fond of how I actually took notes on nuclear energy while watching her show. I loved it. I loved her (seriously messing with my straight vibes, Maddow). She reminded me of the new 2011 Tessa or I remind myself of her is probably best put. It's like how I've been putting it to everyone, I've acquired this thirst that I cannot seem to quench when it comes to learning. I feel so many people have become complacent in being ignorant and that does not necessarily pertain to a specific age bracket. I feel the only way to truly keep yourself alive is to keep filling yourself with new insight and knowledge. I feel that we are truly vessels, we need to be continuously filled because we're constantly (if you're doing it right) releasing information, and as more gets dispersed, more needs to be absorbed. I think the two best things you can share are music and opinions. Without them, I'd be destitute. I feel she has same spark to her. Actually, I KNOW she's got that same spark to her. She is a whip. There is no other way to put it. You can watch the video of her presenting the process of a nuclear reactor and you can see the visuals! Put on your thinking cap, yo!

I have no idea what it is about her. It's driving me crazy in the best way ever. As my friend Brooke said it (so glad I know another avid Maddow fan) "I don't know if she's brainwashing me or if she's the smartest person ever because I seriously agree with EVERYTHING she says." Oh hey, Liberal Brooke! That's exactly how I feel when I watch her show. I love that I go over the range of emotions during the course of the program. Lately, watching more of Michigan's industrial towns collapse & crumble while simultaneous school closings loom on the horizon in other parts of the state as they try to push them off to private charter companies just makes me angry. Is this the beginning of the end for public education in America? Watching this particular segment got me all fired up. I felt like marching-no, no RUNNING to Michigan to help those girls protest to KEEP THEIR SCHOOL OPEN. When did that become an arrest-able offense?

I was talking to a girl about this at work the other day and found myself shouting by the end of it. It's kind of how I end up reporting all my news to people. So less about what I see on the air, and more about the real focus of this entry (...?)

So it gets me thinking; (wait, do you smell a girl power story coming?)

I've been watching this show avidly for the past few weeks and it got me thinking; what makes THIS show different? She definitely holds an allure. Today kind of put it all in perspective as I saw this article pop up on the tweet deck. It goes on to say how she feels that people that are gay and closeted have a responsibility to come out, especially as an anchor and especially to strengthen the community. Seeing how much respectable intelligence she has oozing from her (sorry, bad imagery?) it makes me wonder, could someone else pull this off? Say a bleach blonde? I wonder if the appeal is in the fact that a). She's gay and b). she has a bit of masculine appearance (although, she's adorable)- but does this make facts ring more true? It just kind of gets me down on women again. HA HA HA HA. No but for real, it just makes me sad. Think of all the adorable little news anchors out there;

Seriously. You're not going to go into work talking about what any of these women were newsing about.

It's sad and it's true.

I feel that Maddow is where she is because she goes about it in a whole different way. I feel that blonde/attractive/straight laced anchors typically reduce themselves to entertainment reporting or views that are so in-your-face to the right or left that it just becomes hilarious. It's not because they are not smart, it's probably more the case of no one is letting them run with it. You lose the focus when the news is there, because the style of reporting is exceptionally "air-y". There are some amazing women journalists and opinion contributors, but will the bleach blonde ever be explaining fission and nuclear meltdowns on her own show?The only answer here is, hopefully. Perhaps, I'm being too harsh, or not really informed on the spectrum of reporting that blondes do, but I feel like based on what I see, it holds a bit of truth. I feel like does not occur commonly because because they don't allow themselves to be put in that position. It's kind of like when I was in a meteorology class and my teacher said "You should definitely look into broadcast, you know enough about weather and you've definitely got the look for it." Totally flattering, but I'll take the painstaking science over the bubbly anchor position.It wasn't that I was rejecting being on a news program and giving the weather report, it was irritating because that is what I was being reduced to. I don't want to just know about the basics and report on dew points and strong winds, I want to know the embedded purpose for it happening. I want to be out there chasing the storm, learning more about the new emerges that come from it all.

 For some news anchors, hardcore journalism doesn't come with the job, simply reporting it, does. This kind of goes back to my last post about dying your hair from blonde to brunette in order to be taken more seriously. I get it, I really do. I feel like if I did have a show I would have to wear my glasses in order to get a point across but at the end of the day I thought Legally Blonde would have done more for us. I remember hearing a tid-bit somewhere about how women news anchors struggle immensely with trying to fit in the "serious" bubble, while also maintaining attractiveness to rope in viewers. Women anchors will be taken more seriously if less attractive or if they have hair of a darker colour, however, if they are not as attractive as their competitors, they may lose viewers...? This sounds ass backwards, but it's the fire that female broadcasters have to juggle. I kind of feel like Rachel Maddow was given all allocations to skip over all of this. Like perhaps this time being gay worked out big on the advantages here, while I'm sure it may have hindered her in other ways.

If you haven't seen, Rachel Maddow has a male twin. I am so glad others are buzzing about this on the interwebs, because it's a good spectacle. Chris Hayes or Brother Maddow?

First glance you're like..."wait...what?!"

I remember last Friday she was out and he covered for her and I was in the kitchen bopping around and I hear the same Maddow inflections, but it's a male. Definitely a male. It was hilarious because I almost cannot watch it. I know- you would THINK them being the same would make it easy for me to watch, but I just find it too odd. I feel like when he covers for her show Rachel is at home watching going "Uh huh, thatttt's right, very good."

You can watch him cover for her

At the end of the day, she completely inspires me. It is SO great to have smart females have such strong voices in the media. I love trying to sway republican males in their 50's to get hooked on the show. It's always a hoot. I can only hope for more females to hold these hard hitting journalistic positions. I wonder if she needs any interns?? (I will write in artichoke juice) PICK ME! PICK ME!

Tune into MSNBC weeknights @ 8/9pm