twenty twelve. ah, it feels nice.

Oh, 2011, you were full of it, just full of it. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

I can honestly say that I was one exuberant being when that clock hit midnight and 2011 was no more. Of course this was displayed by me crying my face off while 'Shake It Out' played perfectly along in the background. Some good things happened, but so few that I could count them on one hand. I feel like when I think back on this past year, it's like I'm trying to recall being washed away in a large wave that washed me away, cut me open, and poured its salty waters into my wounds. Yeah...like I said, it wasn't the best. I cannot exactly pinpoint it to one thing, except the fact that I anticipated the age of twenty three to be a complete drag. After such an uplifting year in 2010, I was so apprehensive to step into something new that hadn't had anything to prove. In 2010 I was golden, I was 22 and on top of the world. This past year was full of extreme highs and lows, being shuffled around with my job, contemplating what my body would look like hanging from the low ceilings at work, and just constant contemplation of what the real purpose of being here was, what was POSSIBLY going to make me WANT to live another year? This is where I think that maybe getting too into the political regime and being an informed person of society may have been to blame for this edge I had gained. DO PEOPLE EVEN SEE WHAT'S GOING ON?! I know it seems rather morbid, but just reeelaaxxxx. Ahh, alas. Some refuge...Unfortunately I had to wait until December to realize that everything was going to be just fine, fortunately, IT. WAS. TOTALLY. WORTH IT.

This past year had some gems, so I feel like I should point those out before you come over here and tattoo "Sad Sack" across my forehead; I sported some groovy outfits, I was 22 for three months of it [and then it all went to hell], I met some wonderful people, attended some rad weddings, got real "news-y", NY Fall Fashion week floored me this year, I saw Florence + The Machine TWO TIMES [1,2] as well as The Black Keys, Florence Welch said my name AND TOUCHED MY FLESH! Ceremonials dropped and became one of the best albums of my life, I actually went to a Halloween party and had a good costume, I put together a little bucket list, I consumed a lot of Portillo's, I SAW THE JELLIES!, and I became sort of a social networking whore. Yeah. There were other things scattered about, but if it weren't for past blog posts scattered in between moments of sanity, then I'm not sure how much recollection I would really have of the good.

Oh, you made the last leg of 2011 so, so, so good and worth it.

Me dressed as Rachel Maddow with an awesome older lady I met.

The nun/Maddow pairing picture was necessary!

and then some dancing happened...

 

a few outfits...

The food that got me through! Portillo's

The Jellies came to the Shedd Aquarium.

I mean, good things happened, no doubt, but it was come and go, lackadaisical happiness. I was just consumed with this unbearable sadness and contemplation that seemed to drive me in circles and get me absolutely nowhere. If there is one thing that drives me mad its that thing that everyone expects from you; you charting out your life's greatest plan, unveiling how you plan to make millions to support yourself. I know you are supposed to be doing this, having some grand idea of how you can fulfill your life as well as those around you. At the end of the day, I know that with age comes more "searching" for that security. I disdain this process although I know it's exceedingly important. I anticipate moving soon and getting out of this area that I've been living in for the past twenty two months. You'd think that number amount would make me happy, but it doesn't in the slightest. I am anticipating a 10 minute drive to work, being closer to friends and family, and just being in a better environment.

This New Years, my counterpart and I forewent our usual plans. We typically head up to Milwaukee to the Hotel Metro or drive 20 minutes in to Chicago and stay at the Hotel Monaco. We get tickets to the main show in the city that year, [last year, The Black Keys, the year before, Spoon] and then return back to our favourite rooms that we always book when we stay at those locations. This year it would have been fun, but it wasn't necessary or really feasible with us moving in week's time. So we found ourselves seated on the floor, sipping champagne, and watching some of our favourite episodes. It was the way to go.

AH HA! IT IS SNOWING! YAY. Little Flurries.

So all in all, I anticipate 2012 being more flashy and fun and I only say this because 2011 was like being dragged by a horse for 345 days (assuming that twenty days were tolerable). I don't necessarily have any resolutions that consist of being shared via blog or really to anyone. Resolutions are kind of like those little self goals/secrets you have that once you let someone behind it all, it doesn't really stay yours anymore. The idea and goal becomes much more impersonal and now becomes something you must fulfill because now it's expected of you. Therefore, let's just hope to keep it rockin'. Hopefully this year takes you on a journey and slaps you across the face hard. Even though I feel like my year was something that I could put on the 'things I disdain' list, I learned something. I became a stronger god damn person because of it. You better bet that I would have liked to take a horse tranq of a sleeping pill and slept through most of it, but I'm glad I didn't, because now I know there can only be better.

Cheers to you and yours in the New Year!

-Tessa