July 31, 2009

It crept between two lungs.


I am going into this blogpost unsure of what to say. We shall see what happens.

I have a few things on my mind. I feel a list might be necessary to help me sort this out;

1) Today I worked a near 12 hour shift decorating/glazing cookies. I am so tired-- and I am to return for work at 7:30 am tomorrow. I am not really complaining--the hours are needed, we had some really good laughs (as always) and instead of me closing tomorrow, I get off at 3 in the afternoon. This leaves time for evening plans (finally! a free Friday in the summer!). I think Matt and I are going shooting and going to grab a bite. Should be a good time, shooting doesn't happen too often.

2) I am going to North Carolina next week and I could not be more relieved to get the hell out of here. I long for no television, internet, and people I know. I need to be up in the mountains and just get away and spend time with Meredith and her family. It is so nice to get that change of pace and it is really good for me. There is so much down time where we are just hiking, sitting around reading, playing board games, or something to keep us all entertained and relaxed. Last year I hiked up a waterfall, had a parrot walk along my arm, hiked in the Smokey Mountains, and got to drive 90 back from Kentucky. Again, I am glad I worked hard this week to get better money to cover the week of work I will be missing. It is really important that I get away. I always feel like I need to get away. I'll share a picture from last year with my parrot encounter--obviously this photo is edited--for fun factor of course.



3) I have three albums in heavy rotation right now in my car. They include; Florence + The Machine (Lungs), The Yeah Yeah Yeahs (It's Blitz!), Nine Inch Nails (With Teeth). They all hit very very different emotions. All real ones. Good God, I hate emotions, but I guess since we have them we should listen to music to hit the right ones at the right time. I guess without emotions music wouldn't be anything either. I guess emotions are on the good side--for now.

4) Can I just say how cool it is that the weather channel plays Pink Floyd during the local on the 8's past 11pm?! Let me tell you, the weather channel might seem boring but they have spruced it up quite a bit with groovin music every 8 minutes. I know--I cannot really sell the weather channel, but I'm tuned in all the time, every day. Everyone keeps saying "you should really be a meteorologist." Okay, great. Don't you think I know that? People don't know how hard it is. I took a class, suffered through it (learned a lot), but ended up with a B. I should have gotten an A. I had to work SO hard for that B too. The thing that REALLY bothers me is the people that are doing it just because they have the skill level with mathematics and science. It's just so discouraging. All the things I want to do are nearly impossible. I'm a dreamer--it's the pisces in me.

5) My body is screaming at me for my ballet class Tuesday--my legs hate me right now. It was a good class though. I'm really enhancing my flexibility and getting more in tune with my body, posture, balance, position, and my french vocabulary each time I have a class. Unfortunately I will not be able to skate or do ballet for a week. Madness!

6) There are many, many times I think that I do not know if I will ever figure out what it is that I want. I am happy only in the temporary. I keep myself sidetracked only to return to some sort of unsettled unsure feeling. I fear that I will never be fully content. I just really don't know these days. It brings me back to a moment in Malta--a moment of realization and change; where I realized in a very moment that I can truly be happy on my own, without anyone else. Of course, we need human interaction--we need it, (like we need food, water, exercise, and sunlight). But in the end, we can only be reliant on ourselves because we carry on with ourselves day to day. We acquire new thoughts and ideas with each new sun. But if you have a strong sense of character and feel reliant in the self, then you cannot really go wrong--you can produce your own happiness. However I have moments where I feel very sure of my decisions, my character, and my feelings. I have really good feelings about things. Most of the time I go with my intuition. There are some things that simply cannot be ignored. Things I know that are meant to be pursued. And I pursue them. A dreamer AND a Do-er?! How lucky!


I guess that about sums it up. I am going to bed. I hope you all enjoyed the night! Have a great day tomorrow! Of course you will, it's FRIDAY!

-Tessabee

1 comment:

J.Me. said...

I'm also a dreamer...and apparently a do-er...Because even though I graduated university 4 yrs ago, and I've been working in a professional position for 2.5 yrs, I'm going back to school in the Fall...to go into something completely different. That isn't to say that I'm not really excited, or really scared to do it...I'm just doing it. And hoping everything falls into place! And...also hoping that what I've chosen will make me happy. I hope that all makes sense...And I hope that you're able to find the path to true happiness. It sounds like you're at least halfway there!