what is the point?
I am confident while being insecure.
I'm happy while being devastated.
I'm calm when I'm anxious.
I am like a fucking living oxymoron.
How irritating.
On another note...well... kind of;
While I find myself in complete happiness, I'm wondering if I used to be happier. This summer doesn't really feel like summer. It could be my over-awareness of the rays hitting my skin and my prevention of that happening...but I feel like I am not happy about summer. I used to love walking around in tank tops and go on long walks or roller blading after a morning of skating. I loved meeting up with friends to take walks in the neighborhood. I liked the familiar aspect of it all. How summers were really easy. A 15 minute drive to work, friends five minutes away, early nights, late nights with friends. It's different now, but I am still extremely happy. Now I excitedly come home to my best friend who, luckily, is also my boyfriend-- and we eat dinners and go on walks. We watch and laugh over our favourite shows and play call of duty late into the night. It's quite the set up and I love it. But it is different than the life I used to lead. Which is okay, but it leaves me comparing. There is really no comparison.
I started a new endeavor. How like me. I started decorating at home. I went over to the Wilton tent sale where all of their supplies are 50% off. They make baking supplies as well as things like teapots, coffee mugs, etc. So I went and got bags, tips, cuplers, colours, cake tins, a rolling pin, the list goes on and on...
I actually ended up going two days in a row.
So I spent the weekend making cakes and cookies and buttercream frosting in an assortment of colours and decorating things for fathers day. I am so excited to get things rolling along at home. I really love decorating at work but sometimes the downfall is having to stick to designs without creative input. Although sometimes it's an advantage because you don't have to come up with it out your own, heh. At home I have the freedom to do whatever I want which is great. I want to get really efficient in making cookies and frosting and be able to roll them out for various occasions. YAY!
This week (and next) my schedule got switched and I will be working nights. This kind of a bummer. The in-predictability of the shift makes it more of a nuisance because you never know when you will be walking out the door. But sometimes we get out really early which is great, and some nights I don't care how late we are there. I just prefer opening shifts because I'm up and at 'em at 5:45 and I get a guaranteed 6.5 hours which is nice. I just prefer to enjoy as much as my day as I possibly can. When I close I often end up sleeping until 10 which leaves me moving with enough time to get to work by two. I also like the guarantee of getting off work at a set time. I'm just thankful that no matter what time I start, I look forward to going. It's so nice to see improvements and get new ideas for how to do something. I'm lucky.
I hope I don't miss summer once it is Winter. But I have a feeling with my adoration for gloom, it should fit in perfectly with my life :)
Lets hope for some gloomy weather and storms this week!
-Tessa
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