May 30, 2011

'So I turn myself to face me...but I never caught a glimpse'

Ah, a glorious Monday off. This will only result in me thinking we are a day behind each day this week. Hm. How bittersweet.

I heard this song the other day and have been pretty amped on it since. It's from their new release 'No Color', which came out on March 24th, two days after my birthday to be precise. This band is from San Fransisco and has been making music together for awhile now, so check 'em out.

Today is already unusual because the amount of words I've spoken have been few. It's one of those rare days that I'd like to encounter more often (I'm sure the people around me would agree). The mood of this Memorial Day is just peculiar. Instead of finding myself surrounded by a group of close friends or family, I find myself inside wishing the weather was more somber. Does anyone else feel that the sunshine holds an obligation that you're not always jumping to fulfill? I've woken up the past few days to grey skies and moisture dominating the atmosphere where you feel like it can go one of two ways; you can become a recluse for the day or you can get out and accomplish something and feel better about it because you did it all while it was raining...heh.

I did get out and take a walk with my counterpart this afternoon, where we got a little preview of the Chicago summer temperatures that are about to settle in for the next three months. I feel like it is a tad early to be complaining about the summer heat after we just spent a solid 6 months rejecting that wretched cold we are lucky enough to encounter all the way through April. Oh Chicago, I have no hope of you getting it together.

I had to drag myself away off the couch after watching a few Daria episodes because watching a show where the theme is sarcasm and a lack of motivation will not anything for my own motivation, but it might do something for my wit. I've been having Daria moods lately.

I feel like I'm back in that 'lack of motivation' phase, along with a 'I want to dye my hair' phase. I hate my how my drive is so overwhelming when I'm smack dab in the middle of it and then how it has the potential to become lost oh so easily. You know that feeling where you know you need to start making things happen, but at the same time you're just expecting it all to get handed to you? That expectation is never realistic, but I feel that I will encounter what I need to encounter when the time is right. I'm in the vicinity of other opportunities, but I just have to wait for the right one to really present itself. Listening to me trying to figure out what I want to really do with my life is like listening to a 6 year old ramble off their dreams and desires- it changes week to week and generally is a profession that quite difficult to attain. Even if I don't know what I will be doing in the years to come, the most I can hope for is that I will at least be doing something. I feel like we all know what we really want to be doing, but we don't know how to make that happen, or we are afraid that if we do make it happen, we will find out it's nothing like we'd thought it would be. If it's my case, I just get discouraged about the onslaught of competition that I encounter when trying to figure out a career. I feel there are already a million people doing what I want to be doing. There can be a million and one...right?

It's scary to think of how much things change in such a short period of time. I spend a lot of time thinking about the journey on the way to those changes. There are times where you know that change is your intent, and you can feel it happening. You can analyze every little bit and know that you're headed somewhere different, somewhere bigger and maybe a little better than the original start point. Sometimes things change and you haven't even taken time to embrace the journey or let alone even realized you were on one, you just remember a time where things were different and you don't know how you arrived here. Like how those friends of ours can often become strangers to us. I often wonder if the changes we encounter are the ones we want to be making or if they are the ones we feel we have to make in order to fulfill something else. We all know that resisting change is completely useless and rather difficult, it just has the ability to be anything but a positive experience. My uncertainty scares me. Ugh, what a drag. To sum it up best;

Have you ever had the day or that feeling where you actually feel like you're getting younger? Like the decisions you become faced with seem to be the ones you should have had before you years ago? No..?

I have to remember this:

Picture 5

Ah, Foster The People. I really dig this band and this version isn't heard too much. I've been hearing it on satellite radio (Alt nation) and have really eased into it, although I generally stray from acoustic versions of anything. This band comes out of L.A. and claims that they sort of started playing together by accident. Hopefully you like it, it reminded me of that easy, mellow tune you want to be listening to on a sunny day. You can here the other version here-both are great.

In case you're jonesin' for some more Daria, here are some more clips;


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